Clamp Oswell's College Years

YOU WILL NEED:

A deck of cards - no jokers!

A drink for each player - preferably different drinks so the Conch Pint tastes really rank

An empty pint glass

SETUP:

Place the empty pint glass in the middle of the table - this becomes the Conch Pint

Shuffle the cards then deal each player 3 cards face down - these become their 'blind' cards

Deal each player a further 5 cards - these become their hand

Place the rest of the deck face down in the middle of the table - this becomes the draw pile

THE BIT THAT'S LIKE 'SHITHEAD'

The player with the lowest card starts by placing that card down face up (4 is the lowest card because 2 and 3 have special powers. Aces are high)

Going clockwise, players must try to 'Top the Conch' by putting down a card that is equal to or higher than the one currently on top of the play pile.

Special Cards - If any of the following are played, the following effects take place...

2 - Restart - Can be played on top of any number. Any number can be played on top of it!

3 - Skip - Can be played on top of any number - The next player now has to top the card that is underneath the 3

9 - Reverse - Can only be played on an 8 or lower - Changes the play direction

10 - Burn - Can be played on any number - The whole play pile is now discarded and is out of the game. You also get to start the new sequence by playing your lowest card

- If your hand goes below 5 cards and there are still cards in the draw pile, you must draw back up to 5

- If you cannot 'Top the Conch', then you pick up the entire play pile and add it to your hand

- If you have more than one of the same number, you can play them all together

- If you play four of the same number, this has the same effect as playing a 10

- Once you have played all the cards from your hand, and there are no more in the draw pile, you now need to play your face down 'blind' cards. The only problem is, you won't know what's on them!

- Once you have played all the cards in your hand, there are no more in the draw pile, and you have successfully played your 'blind' cards, congratulations! You are out of the game and are therefore not a conch

- If you find yourself the last player with cards, sorry you have lost the game and are a total conch!

THE BIT THAT'S LIKE 'RING OF FIRE'

Whilst all this is going on, the suit of Clubs has become the suit of Conch! Every Conch card has a forfeit assigned to it. Every time a Conch is played during the course of the game, the correct forfeit must be done...

POSSIBLE FORFEITS

Conch Pint - Add a bit of your drink to the empty glass. The loser will have to drink the contents at the end

Waterfall - Everody starts to drink at the same time. The person who played it is the first to stop. Only then can thext person stop, and so on. Basically, if you're the last in the circle, you're in trouble!

Total Conch Out - Best used when playing in a pub. The person who played it must run a lap of the establishment

Category - Pick a category (types of bread, Westlife singles etc) Going round, everyone names examples of that category. First one to falter, repeat or say something wrong must drink

Conch Flow - The person who played it must drink continuously until it is their turn again

Slap - You get to slap another member of the group

New Rule - Create any new rule you like! (Slaps must be audible, balance things on your head each time you play a diamond, say 'six' like it's a question, anything!)

Freeze Master - At any time, you can freeze in a position. The last one to copy you must drink

Thumb Master - At any time, you can put your thumb down on the table. The last one to copy you must drink

Conch Tax - Nobody is allowed to say 'Conch'. The penalty is a drink

Random Conching - This only works in a pub. You must call a stranger 'Conch' - best used on barmen or waitresses

Truth - You can ask anybody a question to which they must answer truthfully. The penalty is a drink

Dare - You must dare someone else to do something. The penalty is a drink

Conch! - Another public one, you must shout Conch as loud as you can.

Boys Drink

Girls Drink

Gays Drink

Straights Drink

You Drink